Monday, June 21, 2010

More People. More Love.

It's true isn't it? Well in some cases. In the case our family increasing in numbers, it's increasing in love. I already feel it.
So here's the story some have been waiting for, and some have already heard.
Sunday morning, April 18th, little naive me took a pregnancy test and my world flipped upside down. I was staring at a test and the second line appeared as fast as the first one. I seem to remember Brooklynn's taking way longer to show, but this one? Well I was simply dumbfounded... I remember staring at the test completely bewildered as to why there was a dark defined line, and a lighter one right beside it. If more than one line shows up that might mean I'm pregnant right??? I didn't read the instructions beforehand, hence me being naive that this test was something I should have taken more seriously. Well things got seriously really quick. I was flustered as I was in the midst of getting Brooklynn some breakfast and doing my makeup for church. Jason was at a church meeting and I felt I needed him soo badly to just come home and hug me, and just know what was going through me.
I remember feeding Brooklynn her rice cereal and shaking as I put spoon fulls into her mouth and telling her everything is going to be great, and that mommy was going to have another baby and that she was going to be a big sister. I guess I just needed to talk about it because I didn't know how I was to deal with this shocking discovery!
Jason arrived home soon enough and I walked around the house getting things together for church and didn't know how to tell him, or break the "news" to him at first, so I just kept going on with routine and acting normal... I couldn't hold that up to long so I went to the bathroom and got the test and tossed it on his lap and sat down on the chair across from him. He looked up at me with this confused look, and asked me if that was a positive, I said, Yes while looking just as in shock myself. I STILL couldn't believe I was pregnant!
He quickly ran over to me put his arms around me, and just held me and with tears in his eyes told me he was just soo happy, and over joyed. And he truly was. He than looked at me and told me how much he loved me and this is such a blessing, and that, yes it is going to be hard but we'll be okay.
This was really humbling and so comforting to hear. I knew Jason would react more than positive and only excited more than anything but I didn't know he would react so perfectly. I have struggled since feeling sort of guilty for not embracing this wonderful news more positively at first. Things changed very quickly, almost instantly when Jason was there to share that moment with me, and provide me with some words of encouragement and love. He is so amazing.
It was only a couple minutes after that he was on the computer looking at custom t-shits he could order that said, "Guess what? I'm going to be a BIG SISTER!" I was excited all to quickly and yet to this day wish the feelings I feel now were all I ever felt. I guess I can blame it on mortality? We're not perfect, and emotions can get a little skewed at times, or we forget the BIG picture sometimes, and that Heavenly Father has much more of a hand in the way our lives pan out than we think.
I was also very humbled because after Brooklynn was born I witnessed a great miracle. I had a massive cyst on my ovary, and because of it's size they wanted to remove it with my ovary. That was really hard on me and I couldn't help but think it would probably be a little harder for us to conceive in the future, but like I said, Heavenly Father steps in just in time to calm the storm and fix our perspective. I lived the miracle of my body healing on it's own and we had NO trouble conceiving again :)
So for the record, I don't want to say this wasn't expected, but it was a pleasant surprise, one of the best I've ever had. Truthfully I had been going back and forth with how I felt we should plan or space children out, and lately all I could think about was that I wanted a bigger house and Jason to be done or be almost done his MBA by the time we expected another addition. I don't think that's too selfish but then again I think this little one was too excited to join our family and Heavenly Father knew that when I wasn't so intuned.
I can't tell you how much love I have felt come from this already, and our little one isn't even here. The dynamics within our little family have already changed and Jason and I have had a little milestone of growth with this experience already. Like we had with Brooklynn too. Babies truly bring there own love into your family, and I already feel so much from this little one, and I am so in love once again.

Sunday, June 20, 2010

Happy Father's Day

I'm so happy to have a special day set a side to acknowledge the wonderful men out there who fulfill the most honorable calling ever, and that is being a father, not just by circumstance, but by choice and love. I am so grateful for my dad, he's the best father I could have asked for. Being a parent myself I realize more and more each day the qualities he had and has for me and my family. I am so grateful for Jason, he impresses me more and more everyday with his love and gratitude for his daughter. He truly loves his calling in life, and I am so proud to witness it and share it with him. He really MUST be doing a good job in Brooklynn's eyes because she has DEFINITELY become a daddy's little girl.
And last but NOT least I am very grateful for my father-in law. He is a wonderful man and I give so much credit to him for how wonderful Jason is, he raised a good one that's for sure.
SO here is a BIG Thank You, you WONDERFUL Father's I am so privileged to have in my life.

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Another Nightmare Re-lived

Last night Jason and I went over to our friends house down the hall after we put Brooklynn to bed. It's really nice living on the same floor with so many good friends, and it sure makes it easy to hang out when you can sneak over with just a baby monitor. We've been able to take advantage of that quite a bit and I love how it makes me feel like I have more of a social life than not, especially when I have been home all day, and had a real lack of adult conversation and can't for the life of me get the theme songs from Treehouse out
of my head.

We probably had a little too late of a night yesterday but in hindsight I am SO glad we did. I went over to check on Brooklynn at 11pm because she hadn't made a peep, and even though that's normal I sometimes get a little paranoid when things are quiet and wonder if I have the monitors on the right channels. She was sound a sleep on her side with a binky in her mouth. I checked her forehead to see if she was warm and that sort of startled her so I quickly snuck out of the room so she would continue to sleep. I headed back over to Austin and Lisa's to finish the Cake Boss premier with everyone. We ended up staying there until midnight, and finally dragged our tired bodies back home. I was a little irritated that I had stayed up so late, I normally like to be in bed before 11pm. I quickly brushed my teeth and while I was doing so Jason went to check on Brookynn. Looking at her is the last thing either of us do before our heads hit the pillow, I don't really fall asleep until I know she is peacefully sleeping.
Jason yelled my name from her room and as I came running around the corner i saw him holding her in his arms and she was convulsing. I guess when he saw her, her eyes were rolling back into her head and she was quivering at the mouth. NOT AT ALL what you want to see when you walk in, and as much of a nightmare as it is to know she's having another febrile seizure, I was glad we caught it when we did because it was just at the beginning stage. Like I said, we were meant to stay up that late. I don't even want to think about the possibility of us having slept while she went through that.
We quickly jumped in the car and I held her in the back seat while Jason drove. We got to the Rockyview in about 30 seconds, literally. Poor Brooklynn was quivering in my arms and spewing up all over my shoulder. We were admitted into Emergency after a nurse with brains looked at Brooklynn, grabbed her and ran with her to get her into a room. The previous nurse said, "okay take a place in line and wait". Jason was livid, and replied "Are YOU freaking kidding me!?" I am glad he did that, I was so shook up to have any words roll off my tongue in that moment.
The doctor was right there to see her, and he was a very good doctor to deal with a baby. We heard that most doctors don't really know what to do when a baby arrives there. The nurses poked and prodded at her little body while giving her oxygen, and she eventually stopped convulsing, and was whimpering and crying while her little body fought with complete exhaustion. When babies have seizures it is equivalent to them running a marathon. At first she didn't read with a temperature, so they ruled it as being some other type of seizure and wanted to do a lot of tests, including a cat scan. It turned out that the thermometer wasn't working right so they took an internal reading and it came back at 39.2 C. I still have no idea why she ran a fever, she was fine all day and seems pretty good today. We're all really little tired as our night went well into the early morning, but we're relieved and on the mend with this experience. I hope she doesn't have anymore, if she does she may be at risk for developing more and more or possibly epilepsy. I keep praying that this isn't going to be anymore serious, and thanking Heavenly Father that she is okay and that we were able to be there when we needed to be.