Monday, June 21, 2010
More People. More Love.
It's true isn't it? Well in some cases. In the case our family increasing in numbers, it's increasing in love. I already feel it.
So here's the story some have been waiting for, and some have already heard.
Sunday morning, April 18th, little naive me took a pregnancy test and my world flipped upside down. I was staring at a test and the second line appeared as fast as the first one. I seem to remember Brooklynn's taking way longer to show, but this one? Well I was simply dumbfounded... I remember staring at the test completely bewildered as to why there was a dark defined line, and a lighter one right beside it. If more than one line shows up that might mean I'm pregnant right??? I didn't read the instructions beforehand, hence me being naive that this test was something I should have taken more seriously. Well things got seriously really quick. I was flustered as I was in the midst of getting Brooklynn some breakfast and doing my makeup for church. Jason was at a church meeting and I felt I needed him soo badly to just come home and hug me, and just know what was going through me.
I remember feeding Brooklynn her rice cereal and shaking as I put spoon fulls into her mouth and telling her everything is going to be great, and that mommy was going to have another baby and that she was going to be a big sister. I guess I just needed to talk about it because I didn't know how I was to deal with this shocking discovery!
Jason arrived home soon enough and I walked around the house getting things together for church and didn't know how to tell him, or break the "news" to him at first, so I just kept going on with routine and acting normal... I couldn't hold that up to long so I went to the bathroom and got the test and tossed it on his lap and sat down on the chair across from him. He looked up at me with this confused look, and asked me if that was a positive, I said, Yes while looking just as in shock myself. I STILL couldn't believe I was pregnant!
He quickly ran over to me put his arms around me, and just held me and with tears in his eyes told me he was just soo happy, and over joyed. And he truly was. He than looked at me and told me how much he loved me and this is such a blessing, and that, yes it is going to be hard but we'll be okay.
This was really humbling and so comforting to hear. I knew Jason would react more than positive and only excited more than anything but I didn't know he would react so perfectly. I have struggled since feeling sort of guilty for not embracing this wonderful news more positively at first. Things changed very quickly, almost instantly when Jason was there to share that moment with me, and provide me with some words of encouragement and love. He is so amazing.
It was only a couple minutes after that he was on the computer looking at custom t-shits he could order that said, "Guess what? I'm going to be a BIG SISTER!" I was excited all to quickly and yet to this day wish the feelings I feel now were all I ever felt. I guess I can blame it on mortality? We're not perfect, and emotions can get a little skewed at times, or we forget the BIG picture sometimes, and that Heavenly Father has much more of a hand in the way our lives pan out than we think.
I was also very humbled because after Brooklynn was born I witnessed a great miracle. I had a massive cyst on my ovary, and because of it's size they wanted to remove it with my ovary. That was really hard on me and I couldn't help but think it would probably be a little harder for us to conceive in the future, but like I said, Heavenly Father steps in just in time to calm the storm and fix our perspective. I lived the miracle of my body healing on it's own and we had NO trouble conceiving again :)
So for the record, I don't want to say this wasn't expected, but it was a pleasant surprise, one of the best I've ever had. Truthfully I had been going back and forth with how I felt we should plan or space children out, and lately all I could think about was that I wanted a bigger house and Jason to be done or be almost done his MBA by the time we expected another addition. I don't think that's too selfish but then again I think this little one was too excited to join our family and Heavenly Father knew that when I wasn't so intuned.
I can't tell you how much love I have felt come from this already, and our little one isn't even here. The dynamics within our little family have already changed and Jason and I have had a little milestone of growth with this experience already. Like we had with Brooklynn too. Babies truly bring there own love into your family, and I already feel so much from this little one, and I am so in love once again.